| I haven't come on LJ is such a long time. Im doing really really well. I LOVE GUELPH. Today was a particularily great day- I got a job, with good pay and GREAT hours, I started massage therapy (p.s better than sex), I started mega cheap guitar lessons, and i am seeing a councillor named dorothy with a sweetass unibrow.
Im tweakin a little about midterms, but who am i kidding? I like to be worried and I LOVE to be busy..so im doing just fine.
Im going to China for a year. But actually this time. I just got accepted. I leave in April.
I just bought groceries and they are really fuckin good. I got mini wheats, and pre-seasoned tofu, and raspberries, and cheese curds and three other kinds of cheese because im amazing.
my Dad's a fucker, but ive come to terms with that fact.
I had a dream last night that i squirted my roommates mayo down the drain and cried when she found out it was me and so I ran off naked, and people kept telling me I should have bothered to shave my bakini line...Freudian slip perhaps?
speakinhg of which, I fuckin love my program, everytime someone says the word psychoanalytic or conditioned stimuli i cum in my pants. and thats how much I like psychology. | comments: 1 Kommentar or Kommentar hinterlassen   |
| I am feeling very overwhelmed this week. I find myself constantly second-guessing myself...man, im so over this. I dont feel like complaining. I am just concerned. I stopped taking my meds for a few days, and now im all out of wack. I shouldnt have done that, because now im so super depressed and mixed up. i swear they have caused more problems than they have solved.
I got a tattoo two days ago. It was very spontaneous...let's just say that. I really do like it, I'm just a little scared of it. Its kinda big, and kinda colourful...but its pretty. | | comments: 3 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| Wow, its hard to believe I made it out alive. I can't believe I doubted myself so much. i feel very accomplished. I have been joggin by the river in the mornings, my exams went so well, im eating well playing lots of guitar, and writing. I went hiking yesterday, it was great, I fed the ducks. I am such a caregiver, the only reason I went to feed them is because the day before, I threw them a sandwich and one duck got left out. He was a lot smaller than the rest, so I knew exactly which one it was when i went back. Anyway he wasnt hungry when i was done with em. between three ducks they ate a whole loaf of bread.
But back to me, i feel very balanced. I am not juggling everyone elses problems now, just my own. I have mastered the art of loving detachment. And boy, when you just concentrate on yourself for a while, its amazing what you can get done. Whenever I set out to do soemthing, i try to make sure it is benefitting me in some way. Like, either good for my health, self expression, benevolence, or intellect.
I know i must really seem to be lacking modesty here, but it feels good to finally recognise all my strengths. Going into second year with some confidence will be nice.
Andrew said "some birds just cant be caged" -i dont know if that is good or bad, but i know im not about to settle down with anything just yet. | | comments: 3 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| my fucking room smells like a brewery. I feel trapped in here. there are jocks partying everywhere, one tried to grab my goddamn ass on my way up. frig
my relationship is falling apart at the seams. and i just cried because of a cookie. pretty sweet if you ask me. Im glad midterms went well though, on a side note. I'm proud of myself. | | comments: 2 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| im so bored. i wish andrew was here. i think i might go out to fill the void that his absence creates.
what to do on an eve of so many opportunities. | | comments: 3 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| My Father thinks I am: holding a grudge
My Mother thinks I am: selfish
My sister thinks I am:
My brother thinks I am: a good friend
My grandma thinks I am: a nice girl
My Grandpa thinks I am: hes dead
My Girlfriend/Boyfriend thinks i am: kind
My best friend thinks I am: a slut
Yes or NO....
+you keep a diary = yes.
+you like to cook = love to
+you have a secret you have not shared with anyone = you know what, im a pretty open person
+you fold your underwear = nah
+you talk in your sleep = yes
+you set your watch a few minutes ahead = no
+you bite your fingernails = only when im really nervous
+you believe in love= yes
last...
x. movie you rented = the terminal (but cleaned up puke instead of watching it)
x. movie you bought = Pretty woman
x. CD you bought = Rylo Kylie
x. person you've called = Andrew
x. person that's called you = Jeremy
x. TV show you've watched = Bob the Builder
x. person you were thinking of = MIchael
do...
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = sort of, if i could bring people with me.
x. you think about suicide = no
x. you believe in online dating = no
x. others find you attractive = sometimes
x. you want more piercings = havent decided
x. you want more tattoos = maybe
x. you drink = sometimes
x. you do drugs = not anymore
x. you smoke = no
x. you like cleaning = i dont like cleaning, i like organizing and tidying
x. you like roller coasters = hate
x. you write in cursive or print = print
x. you carry a donor card = nope, but maybe ill add that to the resolution list
have you...
x. ever cried over a boy/girl = ya
x. ever lied to someone = yes
x. ever been in a fist fight = one
x. ever been arrested = nope
Number...
x. of times I have been in love?= twice
x. of times I have had my heart broken?= i guess technically none
x. of hearts I have broken?= none
x. of people I've slept with?= 2
x. of people I consider my enemies?= none
x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with?= like one or two
x. of people i could trust my life with= 5
do you
-- Take a shower everyday: yeah
-- Have a crush(es): yes
-- Like high school: not really, i liked bronte creek
-- Want to get married: yes
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: yes i do
-- Believe in yourself: most of the time
-- Get motion sickness: god yes
-- Think you're attractive: usually
-- Think you're a health freak: used to be, i suppose i still am
-- Get along with your parents: not really
-- Like thunderstorms: love them
-- Play an instrument: guitar
in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: yes
-- Smoke(d): no
-- Done a drug: yes
-- Have Sex: yes
-- Made Out: ...ya.
-- Go on a date: mostly just adventures!
-- Go to the mall?: yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
-- Eaten sushi: yes
-- Been on stage: no
-- Gone skating: ): no
-- Made homemade cookies: no
-- Been in love: yes
-- Gone skinny dipping: no
-- Dyed your hair: yes
-- Stolen anything: yes, once | | comments: 5 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| so that was the best new years ever. i left my house in attempts to rekindle my sanity after lunch. i think andrews mom called it loving detachment. i love my family but there comes a point when they need to figure things out without me. and they'll be fine.
Andrew and I rescued Michael from my house later last night and took him out to this random vietnamese restaurant we found. Then we bought him candy. then he was really happy to know that someone actually gave a damn. Then we went back to Andrews place, and hung out with his mom for a while. we hit up tim hortons with her (which seemed to make her feel good) and were in the hot tub for the "coutn down" which consisted of Andrews dad yelling through the screen "uh oh, ya missed it..."
so, new years resolutions include:
-no more forks at asian restaurants
-no more elevators in rez (stairs from now on)
-no more smoking pot
-floss every day
-green tea only
-give blood
-plus i quit eating chocolate as of today.
im excited, this seems like it will be a good year | | comments: 2 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| | the mother fuckers stole my moms van again. i wish they would get caught so badly. who is heartless enough to steal a vehicle 3 times and rigth at christmas? insurance wont even cover it this time. | | comments: 2 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| | im finally home. and after feeling like i was going to have a heart attack, this is quite a contrast. i was so stressed last month, and it feels so good to be home now. | | comments: 2 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. strangely enough, andrew's shorts
2. one sock
3. a ceramic necklace
THREE THINGS YOU HAVE BOUGHT RECENTLY:
1. well, since i have been so in debt its not even funny, the shopping had to hault
2. so, only neccessities: medication
3. christmas presents
THREE THINGS ON YOUR DESK
1. a pin from frosh week that says "GAY IS OK!"
2. a nalgene
3. a fork
THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT
1. music
2. rachael
3. strength
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
1. go horse-back riding
2. go to Africa
3. visit everyone from my past
THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. anal
2. moody
3. compassionate
THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1. Jamaican
2. Irish
3. English
THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. my back
2. my collar bone
3. my breasts
THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. my stomache
2. my butt
3. my ears
THREE THINGS(some)PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. i actually do like potato salad
2. i pee in the shower
3. im paranoid
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. "do you know what i mean?"
2. "no but seriously"
3. "definately"
THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Africa
2. Austria
3. B.C
THREE NAMES I GO BY
1. Dr. Shunston (i hate that one)
2. Shanny
3. Shanski
THREE SCREENNAMES I HAVE HAD
1. An empty bag cannot stand up right
2. Mind lined with layers of led
3. That green eyed monster
THREE THINGS I WISH I NEVER DID
1. stood up rachael that time
2. sent bobby a letter
3. gave in to my dad | | comments: 6 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| "The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings....
As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become" | | comments: 1 Kommentar or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| | HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHAEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | | comments: Kommentar hinterlassen |
| | i want to curl up into a ball and roll away. if i was a little less intuitive or inquisitive, this would all be meaningless, and nothign would matter, because i wouldnt understand. actually, i take that back, because i dont know shit. accept that my instincts are contaminating, and contradictory. | | comments: 1 Kommentar or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| im home for the weekend. it feels really nice. i have noticed that I am really emotional lately. I cried when i hugged brandon, and i cried when i saw matthew. hes like a foot taller than he was the last time i saw him. he has been attached to my hip since i got here. and whenever no one is around, he whispers that he loves me the most. its such a nice atmostphere to come home to.
Last night i needed a taste of adventure, and a reconnection between myself and old friends. so i went and saw them. (i even saw cj on plains road, but we didnt really talk, i can't believe i STILL felt a little awkward around him. BUt anyway, they got this *bright* idea to hotbox a u-haul. I guess someone had worked there and new that they never locked the back of them. normally i would have bolted and rolled my eyes. but like i said, i needed somethign like that.
The whole time, i was afraid the back would close and we would be stuck, but it was pretty hilarious..
now im back to reality though, and attempting to face my problems again.
so todays issue is guys:
At school, not many girls are friendly, and i find guys tend to make conversation with me more often. But like Ben used to say, when a guy meets you, he has already decided whether or not he would date you.
This makes things difficult. Im kind of lonely, but i dont want to be with someone im not attracted to, but they all think im interested, since i like to have the company. its frustrating, since i am already bad at confronting people.
any suggestions? | | comments: 9 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
| | Im so confused. I had a comp sci test that i had to do online, but my prof told me you cant access it from home. So i figured I would do the PRACTISE test online before i went to the lab for the real thing...Only, apparently i was doing the actual test from home. I have no idea how that works, since he said its impossible. Thankgod i got 90%, since i was only fucking around. I got a report emailed to me with the mark on it..but now i dont know if it actually counts, or if i should be at the lab, attempting to reaccess it...im so lost. | | comments: 2 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen |
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